Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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