Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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