Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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