i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
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Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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