pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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