why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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