I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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