You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
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You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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