Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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