she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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