Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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