I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize