You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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