she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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