Just cropdusted the office
My balls are so social today.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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