Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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