I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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