let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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