You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize