Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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