can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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