Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize