Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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