Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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