i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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