i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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