dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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