how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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