I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize