I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize