She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
