remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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