I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize