i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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