A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize