Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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