Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize