there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have aggressive nipples.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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