Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize