If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think people are normalizing furries
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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