I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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