So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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