I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The beer is more important than you right now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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