All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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