if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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