i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize