I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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