ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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