I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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