capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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