I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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