Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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